Giving In

So last night, our dear friend Windstream decided to stop working. Not just mine…but everyone’s. Not that that makes it any better. So with two assignments due by midnight, not to mention an annotated bibliography due tomorrow that I have yet to begun, I headed to the library. And let me just say, I was not happy. It’s ok to go to the library in your PJs at midnight…not so much at 7:30, so I had to get back in real clothes. That’s seriously the main reason why I was bitter about the internet. Anyway, so I go to the library, & on my way back I was driving around the drill field, the sun was setting in front of me, the beautiful steeple of Price was glowing, & this song came on the radio.

Whatever you’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace
It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see
But I’m giving in to something Heavenly

Yes, I realize that 50% of my posts are about music. Don’t expect that to change anytime soon. I also realize that you’ve probably heard this song 1000 times, as have I. But I just needed to write about it.

I feel like the last few years of my life have been a lot of chaos…turning my life upside down, changing majors, changing schools, changing majors again, changing schools again, moving several times, love, heartbreak, etc. That’s a lot for just a few years. And yet, I’m so thankful for all for all of that. I was talking to Em today, telling her about how I don’t even feel like myself sometimes, but in a good way. Thing that are going on in my life right now would have been handled totally differently if they had occurred a year or even six months ago. The way I’m reacting…that’s not me. It’s not my personality, it’s not even in my make-up, I don’t think…it’s what I want to be, but not what I am. I really feel like God has brought me to a place where I can find peace within the chaos. I can surrender to Him what I only thought I could before. And somehow, I’m beginning to love this chaos, because instead of floundering in it, I just give in.