Guest Post {What Women Fear}

You've heard me talk about Caitlin a lot...it's about time you hear from her.  She posted this on her blog a few days ago, & I just had to share with you.  It's hard to believe that just 8 months ago is when her now-husband was diagnosed with cancer.  That seems like such a distant memory now that he's well.  But God is going to be glorified through that experience for a long time to come.

After you read, click over to Cait's blog to see more of their story.

When we found out that Cosbie had cancer, the first feeling I had was fear. Whenever I was alone (which was mostly in my car) my mind would start to wander and I would be so overcome with fear that it would turn into full on anxiety. I couldn’t breathe and got light headed and couldn’t stop crying. These days were the scariest days of my life. Those feelings only lasted a week, but I was still consumed in fear. When I was at school I had my phone by me constantly because I was afraid something would happen while I was gone. I felt sick to my stomach every time we went to the hospital. I had never struggled with fear before at all, especially not to this degree.

Somehow, in the months since then, fear has become a huge issue in my life and I didn’t even realize it. I am afraid of something happening to Cosbie. I am afraid of something happening to our relationship. I am afraid of failure and making decisions and disappointing Cosbie and my family. I am afraid of having kids because I’m afraid of something being wrong with one of them. Or of one of them dying. I’m afraid of not being able to have kids of our own. I’m afraid of my grandparents or parents dying. Things that don’t need to be worried about have become a part of my daily thoughts. All of these fears crept into my thoughts without me really noticing, but when I did I was convicted because of the sin it had become. I was doubting who God is.

I started reading this book by Angie Smith called What Women Fear. I am only on chapter 2, but I already love it. It has brought so much knowledge and conviction already. The root of my fear is that I doubt God. I doubt that He has my best interests at heart and that He is truly in control of my life. My biggest fear has been that I will make a wrong decision. I was acting as though I serve a God who looks down on me with condemnation and punishes me for doing something wrong rather than a God who continues to fulfill His promises. When Abraham and Sarah acted out of fear and disbelief and had a son through Hagar, God still fulfilled His promise to give them a son of their own… it just took much longer than they wanted. The central issue is that I am not in control. Defeating this fear is a daily (sometimes multiples times a day) process of taking those thoughts captive before they take me captive, making a conscious effort to give them over to God, and then leaving them in His hands. I will be the first to say I have not mastered this and I fail daily, but I already feel so much freedom from beginning to let go of my need for control.

for God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7